Where Our World Ends, His Begins.

Kaleidoscope returns with Disney's production of "Artemis Fowl"  Directed by Kenneth Branagh, the movie stars Ferdia Shaw, Josh Gad, Lara McDonnell, Judi Dench, Colin Farrell, & Nonso Anozie.  Rated 'PG', it has a running time of 1 hr., 35 min.

The setting is on the coast of Ireland.  A stolen collection of world-class artifacts has been stolen, & Artemis Sr. (Farrell), is a person of interest.  An associate of Sr., Mulch Diggums (Gad), has been arrested & is being questioned by MI6.  Diggums explains that his employer has stolen a powerful weapon called the Aculos.  Diggums then, in order to prove the existence of 'magic', proposes to relate the story of Artemis, Jr. (Shaw).  Diggums explains that 3 days earlier, Artemis , a 12-year old genius, is listening to stories at his home, Fowl Manor, & that his father is telling him about Irish fairy tales.  Soon, the father goes missing while on his boat, the Fowl Star; when the authorities go to the Star, numerous priceless artifacts are found aboard.   Soon thereafter, Artemis receives a call from a hooded person who claims to be holding his father captive; the figure demands that Artemis recover the Aculos which the father has stolen & hidden.  After the call, Artemis's bodyguard, Domovoi Butler (Anozie) takes him to a hidden library where generations of Fowls have inventoried the existence of magical creatures.

Getting confused, dear reader?  You ain't seen nothin', yet.   Based on the 1st of the series of "Artemis Fowl" books written in 2001, the film is directed by Kenneth Branagh, whose 2017's "Murder on the Orient Express" was a snore-fest.  "Fowl" rarely rises above this level.  Branagh tries to film in a sweeping panorama, at times, but nothing much comes from it; there is little dynamic action to support these pans.  Much of the blame, of course, is attributable to Conor McPherson's & Hamish McColl's mundane & pedestrian script based on Colfer's novel.  We learn of Artemis's genius from a brief scene at his school where he comes off as more of a petulant, spoiled child instead of the so-called hero that he was destined to become.  Much of the dialogue is prosaic & plodding, and the viewer is constantly waiting for important things to occur; the payoffs are rarely worth the wait.  Another problem is that this film was in development hell from the time Miramax first acquired the rights in 2001 until Disney obtained the rights in 2013.  After many directors were attached during those 12 years, Branagh finally signed on in 2015.  While actors are rarely the issue in problematic productions, that seems to be the main muddle here.  Shaw is an uninspired choice for what should have been the dynamic Artemis; his performance is monochromatic for much of the movie with little nuance.  McDonnell, Dench, Farrell, & Anozie all appear to be in synch with Shaw's lead.  The only inspired personage here is in Gad's performance as Diggums.  In fact, he seems to be acting in a different film most of the time--or, wishes that he was in one.  All of this points out that the 'young adult dystopian' genre of films has run its course.  "The Hunger Games" & "The Maze Runner" series were inspired & based on spirited & energetic novels.  The world of "Divergent" petered out after the first 2 movies; others never got past 1.  The art & set decorations seem to be cobbled from other film franchises such as Marvel & DC.  Haris Zambarloukos's cinematography is equal parts animated & tedious.  Patrick Doyle, a long time associate of Branagh's with films such as "Henry V", "Hamlet", & "Much Ado About Nothing" , has produced a score that seems a better fit for those movies rather than one in the SciFi/fantasy canon.

I give "Artemis Fowl" 4 out of 10 nuggets.   While any new film receives a welcome reception in this era of pandemic, one would do better by re-watching the best of Marvel & Star Wars on the 'Disney +' streaming service rather this Foul piece---oops, I mean "Fowl".